fighting leukemia with a band of brothers
What Tara and Turner planned as a perfect family, snowy trip to the North Carolina mountains in January 2009 turned out to be anything but when the Simkins rushed their fever stricken son, Brennan, back to Augusta, Georgia. Brennan was diagnosed with acute myeloid leukemia (“AML”) on the eve of his 7th birthday. …read more
Brennan’s Updates
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Homecoming
posted on January 18, 2011
“Will you make us laugh, will you make us cry?
Will you tell us when to live, will you tell us when to die?
I know we’ve come a long way,
We’re changing day to day,
But tell me, where do the children play?”
Cat Stevens
It is precisely because they play that we press on. As the song says, we’re changing day-to-day, but the children always play. Through our own life-experience with innocence, we have all lived. Whether through our past, our fervent devotion to our own children, or even a glancing appreciation for a joyful child we meet in passing, we are able to taste and feel the purity of life, the irreproachability of love. Things change. People die, but the children always play. …read more
Friendship
posted on December 17, 2011
“Through the years we all will be together If the fates allow
and hang a shining star upon the highest bow, oh yeah,
And have yourself a merry little Christmas now”
Lyrics from “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas,”
- from the recollected perspective of Christmas 2010
Monday, December 5, Brennan and I spent virtually the entire day at the hospital clinic. It was bone chilling cold outside; cold, windy and rainy, three of the primary ingredients strictly excluded from his daily lifestyle prescription. When it is my turn to be accompany this little man, days like this are maddening. Fortunately, he is feeling better, and therefore impatient and eager enough to pursue fun things unattainable on days like this. …read more
Limitless
posted on November 23, 2011
“Don’t believe what your eyes are telling you. All they show is limitation. Look with your understanding, find out what you already know, and you’ll see the way to fly.” – Richard Bach
Three weeks ago. November 2, 20011. Augusta, GA.: “Hey, Turner-san. Colleen (Dr. McDonough) and I just talked. It’s time to move this boy to Memphis.”
Silence. read more
Unexpected Turn
posted on November 3, 2011
“A thing long expected takes the form of the unexpected when at last it comes”
Mark Twain
I guess we were expecting Brennan to catch a bug sooner or later. While endeavoring to plug as many holes in the bubble as we could, the bottom line is that: a) he’s a kid; b) it is approaching winter; and people are spreading germs left-and-right; and, c) the new immune system was bound to be put to a test someday. …read more
Broken Alleluia
posted on October 13, 2011
“When all that I can sing
Is a broken hallelujah
When my only offering
Is shattered praise
Still a song of adoration
Will rise up from these ruins
I will worship You and give You thanks
Even when my only praise
Is a broken hallelujah”
- Mandisa Bardill
Tuesday morning, October 4 2011 was my day with Brennan. We awoke early with the rest of the gang, helping Christopher and Nat getting with their breakfast (a la Tara’s usual pre-school chocolate-chip pancake recipe) and ready for school. These days Brennan is feeling pretty good, serving as the attache to whichever parent is leading the morning charge. … read more
Grace in a Glass of Milk
posted on September 6, 2011
“I do not at all understand the mystery of grace – only that it meets us where we are but does not leave us where it found us.”
- unknown author
It was a dream, thank God. All five of us were in a white cottage at the base of a mountain. It was a huge mountain range under a cornflower blue sky. This was not western North Carolina. We all walked from the back door and hiked to the top, where there was another cottage. Brennan, for some reason, stayed behind. …read more
Independence
posted on CarePages July 23, 2011
“Oh, don’t go too far
Stay who you are
Everybody knows
You only live a day
But it’s brilliant anyway
I saw you in a perfect place
It’s going to happen soon but not today
So go to sleep and make the change
I’ll meet you here tomorrow
Independence day”
Elliot Smith
The waning hours of Independence Day, 2011. All three of our boys were upstairs watching “Evan Almighty.” Intuited from the occasional thumps and giggles from the bedroom floor above us, there was more taking place than a DVD. …read more
A Homecoming Miracle
posted on CarePages June 26, 2011
“The primary function of miracles is not to shock the senses but to bring revelation to grant us a glimpse of the divine and through that glimpse the opportunity to be transformed.”
From a book I picked up at Robin Smithwick’s house.
It was my night to stay with Brenny. Tara and I had spent most of the day rifling through every nook of the Bluff House in preparation for sorting, packing and gradually shipping our lives back to Augusta. …read more
A Shining Example
posted on CarePages June 18, 2011
It is with a heavy, rejoicing and peaceful heart that I share Jeni Clark’s post this morning updating all of us on our wonderfully sassy Cassidy.
I am so honored to know this family. Jeni and Cassidy make me laugh harder than anybody I know. McKenizie and Savannah have branded giggles and smiles on my heart forever. Myndi, Cassidy’s first Mom, is always at my side. And Chad, he walks the walk as well as anyone I have ever met. … read more
Launch Delayed
posted on CarePages June 13, 2011
Major General Urquhart: Hancock. “I’ve got lunatics laughing at me from the woods. My original plan has been scuppered now that the jeeps haven’t arrived. My communications are completely broken down. Do you really believe any of that can be helped by a cup of tea?”
Corporal Hancock: “Couldn’t hurt, sir.”
From the Film, “A Bridge Too Far”
All packed up and no place to go… Christopher has managed to scavenge the makings of a 101st Airborne uniform from a pair of camo-pajamas, a kid’s sized army ranger jacket with “Simkins” across the right breast (a garment which was determined essential among the list of things to stay with our overnight bags in Memphis, everything else having been shipped home last Friday) and his WWII helmet, complete with an Easy Company spade insignia on its side. A broken plastic rifle sits at his side wedged between two pillows. We are settled in with our TV trays in our Target House apartment (having been stripped void of any personal memorabilia, with the exception of a single construction paper collage from Brennan. …read more
Breathe, pray, smile
posted on CarePages June 12, 2011
My laptop’s power indicator is blinking red, so we are looking at a world-record short post. Suffice it to say that I was comforted by the glimmering mirrored pyramid this morning, reflecting the eastern sun into Brennan’s room on the transplant unit. He opened his beautiful blue eyes, stared at me for a second, smiled and extended his arms for a hug. …read more
Jumping the Gun
posted on CarePages June 11, 2011
“The man was on his knees, trying to retrieve each of his ugly words that were now scattered on the floor. But, of course, it was too late.” ~Dr. SunWolf
Well I guess I spoke too soon. Lords knows its not the first time. Given my predisposition for it, I pray its not the last.
It was a beautiful morning, so it looked form the 5th floor of Target House. Christopher was sleeping sideways next to me in the “big bed.” The smell of coffee from the kitchen told me that Martha was starting to stir. …read more
Dancing Softly
posted on CarePages June 9, 2011
“No one is as capable of gratitude as one who has emerged from the kingdom of night.”
Elie Wiesel
By 10:00 am this morning it was over ninety degrees outside. We crept out of bed. It had been a long night. Walking out into the full June sun, it felt early. For some reason, the vomits kicked in around 3am without warning and with much vigor. …read more
Love in the Rubble
posted on CarePages May 24, 2011
“It’s a hand-me-down, the thoughts are broken. Perhaps they’re better left unsung. I don’t know, don’t really care. Let there be songs to fill the air.” – Robert Hunter “
At this time I would like to ask you all if there are any milestones or special days of recognition that you may like to share with the congregation?” It is a question that Father Tim Fitzpatrick poses to the Sunday evening worshipers every week before the final prayer and recessional hymn at St. Patricks church in downtown Memphis. ...read more
Amen!
posted on CarePages May 13, 2011
“The body of Christ is the body of God, the body of ultimate reality, the ground of all existence. We do not have to look anywhere else for it. It resides deep in our own being.”
Thich Nhat Hanh
“Rounding the bout” at Mud Island a few minutes ago, I could see very clearly that the water-marks on all of the trees was at least a foot higher than the current water level. Sometime between be picking the boys up from school yesterday and now, the devastating flood waters have begun to recede. …read more
Don’t Fall Now
posted on CarePages May 13, 2011
“Experience: that most brutal of teachers. But you learn, my God do you learn.” – C. S. Lewis
The last thing you want to go with one last hurdle in front of you is stumble and fall. A lot of pieces had to come together this week for Brennan’s surgery to get scheduled for tomorrow. Arrival of cutting edge antibiotics; fevers under control; clear blood cultures; ultrasounds, nuclear medicine tests, etc. As of the Carepage posting last night, it appeared all of this things had been handled at that everything was in order for Friday morning surgery. BUu as things are prone to do around here, everything changed. …read more
Hope of a Crest
posted on CarePages May 11, 2011
“Are you upset little friend? Have you been lying awake worrying? Well, don’t worry…I’m here. The flood waters will recede, the famine will end, the sun will shine tomorrow, and I will always be here to take care of you.” -Charlie Brown to Snoopy
I’m not much of a runner. Never have been. I am generally a pretty fit guy, and pride myself in being able to do and handle some things that others can’t. Going for a jog, or breaking a sweat for a half an hour or so is not big thing, but running for a purpose, for a time, for a prescribed distance, etc. It just ain’t my thing. ...readmore
Storm Stations
posted on CarePages May 07, 2011
“We shall overcome
We shall overcome
We shall overcome some day
Oh, deep in my heart
I do believe
We shall overcome some day”
Charles Tindlay
It was the week after Easter, tornadoes, evacuations and rising waters. A lot has happened, and is happening all around us. As this entry began, the anticipation of colorful linen outfits, pastel eggs, fresh spring flowers and the celebration of the most improbable of family gatherings had been replaced by tornado sirens and minor evacuations of the Target House, relegating all of the residents from their apartments to the interior first floor hallway. What remains is a colorful story, to say the least (but a lesson for me to get these things done and out before the circumstances get to weird and hard to explain). …read more
Monday Prayer
posted on CarePages May 02, 2011
“It is for us to pray not for tasks equal to our powers, but for powers equal to our tasks, to go forward with a great desire forever beating at the door of our hearts as we travel toward our distant goal.”
Helen Keller
This is not so much of an update as a request. Tara and I are waiting with Brennan in “B” Clinic this morning for his first bone marrow biopsy since he was declared to have obtained remission around two months ago. … read more
I Can Do This!
posted on CarePages April 29, 2011
“‘I can do this.’ This is a thought that can change an entire life. Don’t underestimate the power of those four little words.” Meadow Devor
“Why CAN’T I go home for The Masters, Mommie?” Brennan inquired. “I mean, if I can’t go home, why did I get out of the hospital?” …read more
A Good Turn
posted on CarePages April 13, 2011
“Man is born broken. He lives by mending. The grace of God is glue”.
Eugene O’Neill
Always expect the best, especially when the worst seems to be taking the upper hand. I was almost embarrassed last week, having posted a Carepage which, clearly demonstrating frustration with a partially derailed game-plan, was effectively rendered obsolete with a telephone call from Tara that Brennan was feeling good and asking if he would be allowed to leave Memphis for the Masters tournament. …read more
Long Road
posted on CarePages April 5, 2011
“Choose to think according to God’s word and not how you feel. Nobody is a failure unless they choose to stop trying. Life gets a lot sweeter and easier if we live with the attitude that says, “I will do my best today and I trust God will do the rest. Tomorrow I will begin again and I will never quit or give up.”. Joyce Meyer
Two weeks ago this Sunday I was walking through the Memphis Botanical Garden with our good friend Margie Lackie and Brennan. Possibly the most beautiful spring afternoon this year, and clearly one of the most joyful and buoyant days in many months. … read more
Baby Steps
posted on CarePages March 20, 2011
“Sweet are the uses of adversity.” – William Shakespeare
Busy, I guess, is a matter of scale. Brennan’s life, compared to most kids, is pretty loose. School, only three hours a week; hardly any homework; no sports obligations; no social obligations; lots of legos & movies… just living. But busy he is, and busy are we holding his hand and lifting him up until such time that he is capable of living as a nine year old should. … read more
Let It Grow
posted on CarePages March 8, 2011
“Let it grow, let it grow, Let it blossom, let it flow. In the sun, the rain, the snow, Love is lovely, let it grow.” – Eric Clapton
The news of Brennan’s remission was accompanied with impressions of opportunity, distraction and perspective. Opportunity to breath. While still intently focused on a litany of unresolved medical issues (high blood pressure, kidney and liver functions, GVHD, etc.), the precipitous withdrawal of catastrophic disease as an immediate concern lifted the oppressive hand of fear and misgiving, our minds suddenly buoyed above water, gasping and relieved at the sight of blue sky. …read more
Press On, Indeed
posted on CarePages Feb 26, 2011
“I know God will not give me anything I can’t handle. I just wish He didn’t trust me so much.” - Mother Teresa of Calcutta
About a week before Brennan’s birthday, Tara and I stood in the parent room as Dr. Leung and Brennan’s nurse practitioner and friend, Lisa Beattie, revealed to us that Brennan’s third transplant had failed and that he had only two options. … read more
Terra Firma
posted on CarePages Feb 23, 2011
“Faith is an island in the setting sun, But proof is the bottom line for everyone.”
Paul Simon
So, back to the business of beating leukemia. As elated and thankful as we were leaving ICU for Brennan’s old room (number #9, for you Beatles fans) our arrival was heralded with guarded fanfare. …read more
The Perfect Storm
posted on CarePages Feb 13, 2011
We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the life that is waiting for us.
– Joseph Campbell
Watching your son at the free throw line. Not much at stake
other than Nat’s pride. …read more
Day +11: Walking by Faith
posted on CarePages Feb 5, 2011
“We walk by faith, not by sight.” 2 Corinthians 5:7
It is Friday morning. I am sitting in the ICU with Brennan and Martha listening to Steve Baughman’s rendition of It is Well with My Soul. …read more
Channels of Grace
posted on CarePages Jan 24, 2011
“Rain is grace; rain is the sky condescending to the earth; without rain, there would be no life.” John Updike
It Sometimes in the depths of cold wet winters, its difficult to remember the feeling of warm sunshine. I remember it from my year in Chicago. I also remember last winter here in Memphis, when Brennan’s second transplant and all of the grueling recovery associated there took place in the depths of the coldest winter I had experienced since my Windy City days. …read more
Peace and Confidence
posted on CarePages Jan 16, 2011
And the wolf will dwell with the lamb, And the leopard will lie down with the young goat, And the calf and the young lion and the fatling together; And a little boy will lead them.
Isaiah 11:6
Some carepages are more difficult to write than others. This is one of them …read on
Brennan’s Care Page
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